the pains of growing.

"This [note] will perhaps only be understood by those who have themselves already thought the thoughts which are expressed in it or similar thoughts." - Ludwig Wittgenstein

That feeling you get when you listen to a song for the first time and you don’t really like it but the more you get familiar with the concept, the more you seem to enjoy it.

I notice I tend to respond more favorably to music that features a specific chord progression or vocal arrangement (I think that could make a great app, find me all songs with "insert overused progression here" because there is nothing new under the sun) the first time I listen to them, helping my cognitive ease.

Wring this note I went down a rabbit hole re-thinking the case for cognitive ease examples and why I had my previous understanding of it somewhat wrong.

As I search for words to type in my brain's library, in my perpetually expanding English vocabulary, I begin to realize that what I want to share isn't words; it's a feeling, an emotion, something like describing the color yellow to someone who hasn't yet seen it or describing my favorite chord progression to someone who hasn't yet heard it. I can't.

I am not against the use of LLMs in creative environments but I refuse to use them to make up for what I lack in grammatical and storytelling skills. That would defeat the purpose of this practice.

Nolan has officially been in our world for longer than he was forming in mom's belly. Feels like a lifetime ago but bittersweetly also a blink.

He's learned how to scream (oh he can scream now), roll, crawl, chew, clap, stand and a couple days after his first birthday, walk. He's growing teeth, hair and his reasoning and ability to babble are beautiful to see. His head no longer makes up for most of the percentage of his body, which to me, the babies head to body ratio is incredibly cute. But it also means he is able to keep better balance when moving around.

"My only complaint is with the passage of time. I will never again hold and indeed, I am frighteningly beginning to forget." - Kate Cohen

It's been oh so lovely but also a period of growth, for everyone involved.

For him, fresh out the void, from the [un?]experienced nothingness to the (non-optional) consciousness and "everythingness" of becoming a human being. Slowly discovering the full range of colors life has to offer.

For me, however;

"I'm a big fan of homeostasis." - Sheldon Cooper

Homeostasis is the body's ability to maintain a stable internal environment despite external changes. 

Referring to its biology context, like how incredibly amazing it is our bodies know when to sweat to bring down our temperature without us even doing a thing and the moment we reach the right temperature, the sweat stops.

But in this case, I am making reference to my own emotional internal state, in spite of any external circumstances. And when you appreciate the daily routine, to the point of borderline monotonous, it can be an absolute wild ride.

Particularly, it's rediscovering life, rethinking what I once thought I knew (or didn't give much thought to), questioning things, and although I have always done it, now it means more.

There is a tiny koala hanging from my leg, that without him realizing it, challenges my ways, my previously self-proclaimed achieved homeostasis and invites me to look at life and accept it for what it is (ACT therapy, anyone?), an absolute unknown adventure.